(Corrected date for this post is Sun Jan 27)
Hmmm! If you read my previous post, you must be proud of me and thought I have changed or emotionally improved from the training. Not really, I haven't--self awareness told me so.
After 6-7 days without Wi-Fi, plus knowing the possibility of not having it for the rest of time until I leave the ashram had brought my patient level to zero!
Out of all low living standards that I am adapting and enduring, I couldn't handle days without connection with Gunther and the people like you who care and want to know how I am doing. Attachment! Attachment!
At first, I was able to control my thoughts and just took ACTION: skipped all my meals in one day at the ashram (bought some bananas and pastry) so I could walk to the Internet cafe a few times. Unfortunately, there was possibly a kind of Muslim holiday here plus the weekend, the only Internet cafe we have here was closed for 2-3 days, each time I went and patiently sat outside waiting with hope that the owner was going to show up and open it anytime soon. I should have taken a pic so you could tell how desperate I was.
My spirit slumped as I returned to my room, My REACTION was crying. Bhooma tried to talk to me but I couldn't answer his knock on my door. I knew in that state of mind, silence is my best solution at the time to prevent saying something to him I might regret later.
Well, obviously I was not at peace with myself! I still could blame on the "full moon" for my mood though ;) But no, it must be my "stinky brain" (G's words), or ignorance, or ego... took control in my mind according to what I have learned from the Text.
So there, at least I admitted and recognized my weakness on this path of self-discovery. I still haven't got rid of this kind of emotion yet! Now I could say I had the worst moment in this training too; and maybe I am not a true yogi either (?)
"I am what I seek", Srī Ādi Śańkarācārya. I should contemplate on this quote.
Edit: We got WI-Fi back on the evening of the 7th day without it. Thank you to some had sent their reminder, encouragement, wisdom...Let there be Light!
Hmmm! If you read my previous post, you must be proud of me and thought I have changed or emotionally improved from the training. Not really, I haven't--self awareness told me so.
After 6-7 days without Wi-Fi, plus knowing the possibility of not having it for the rest of time until I leave the ashram had brought my patient level to zero!
Out of all low living standards that I am adapting and enduring, I couldn't handle days without connection with Gunther and the people like you who care and want to know how I am doing. Attachment! Attachment!
At first, I was able to control my thoughts and just took ACTION: skipped all my meals in one day at the ashram (bought some bananas and pastry) so I could walk to the Internet cafe a few times. Unfortunately, there was possibly a kind of Muslim holiday here plus the weekend, the only Internet cafe we have here was closed for 2-3 days, each time I went and patiently sat outside waiting with hope that the owner was going to show up and open it anytime soon. I should have taken a pic so you could tell how desperate I was.
My spirit slumped as I returned to my room, My REACTION was crying. Bhooma tried to talk to me but I couldn't answer his knock on my door. I knew in that state of mind, silence is my best solution at the time to prevent saying something to him I might regret later.
Well, obviously I was not at peace with myself! I still could blame on the "full moon" for my mood though ;) But no, it must be my "stinky brain" (G's words), or ignorance, or ego... took control in my mind according to what I have learned from the Text.
So there, at least I admitted and recognized my weakness on this path of self-discovery. I still haven't got rid of this kind of emotion yet! Now I could say I had the worst moment in this training too; and maybe I am not a true yogi either (?)
"I am what I seek", Srī Ādi Śańkarācārya. I should contemplate on this quote.
Edit: We got WI-Fi back on the evening of the 7th day without it. Thank you to some had sent their reminder, encouragement, wisdom...Let there be Light!
Wow! What a journey of self discovery, discipline, new techniques on yoga, culture & people, landscape beauty,ups and downs, and constant change for body, mind and soul.
ReplyDeleteMiss you, love you, Linda
You are a true yogi. Enjoy the last few days of your training. There is no weakness as long as we look forward. We are all looking forward to following you on your next journey. Eleanor :)
ReplyDeleteOMG I hope I make you laugh, but all this stuff about self awareness and all that jazz, I am your friend that is not into any of this stuff as you know. Before you even mentioned it I could tell what you would be like without the internet and I can almost see you face....Love you lots, stay safe and have a good time when GG gets there...
ReplyDeleteLynda